Whenever a game series gets to a point where a tried and true formula works well, it's usually inevitable that somebody will come along and fuck with it. The Mega Man series has its Legends, where somebody came along and said, "Hey, I know, instead of making another action-packed sidescroller, let's make it ugly 3D and completely revamp the gameplay to make it totally boring!" Mortal Kombat had its Deception, where somebody came along and said, "Hey, I know, instead of making another action-packed fighting game, let's make it so one person has to spend HOURS running around a 3D world opening chests and talking to people to unlock the full fighting game experience!" Zelda had its Ocarina of Time, where somebody came along and said... more

Halloween is the time of year when two very different groups representing certain lifestyles manifest themselves to their absolute fullest.  For the first group, this is the time of year when gays hang out in gay bars wearing buttless leather pants and deep-throat kiss each other in public while other gays dressed like the devil or their favorite female Broadway singers look on, and this is acceptable because it's the one day in the year where they get to legitimately... more

In the 1980's and early 1990's, the war on drugs wasn't fought with rehab and knowledge about potentially harmful effects.  It was fought with a combination of fat, donut-eating cops and rock n' roll.  Aside from that miserable failure of a plan, it was also fought more effectively with machineguns, loose-cannon cops who dive away from explosions in slow motion while delivering witty one-liners, and a clear message: "Say 'NO' or I will... more

There's no reason to debate it. Everyone knows the human race is doomed. If it's not some zombie virus that gets us, it will probably be robots, AIDS, robots with AIDS, a giant meteor that may or may not set itself on a collision course with Earth as a result of the actions of a long-haired goth fag, or nuclear war started by computers or Russians. With AIDS. After that, it's all up to the apes. But what I didn't know was that... more

There are times when I play games today and just get pissed off simply by looking at who I'm controlling. Games like Final Fantasy XII and many of the newer Castlevania titles in particular feature some of the most girly male characters anyone has ever seen short of the 1980's British Invasion in pop music. Part of the problem, besides being raised on '70s blaxploitation action movies and professional wrestling, is a combination of my assumption of these characters' sexual... more

With all the various genres of games in existence today, there is a definite lack in the number of quality titles in particular areas, especially as they relate to sports.  For example, there are only a handful of remotely decent games focusing on tennis, and possibly none focusing on badminton or full-contact lesbian catfighting (although the Dead or Alive series comes close to addressing the latter).  Another underserved genre, surprisingly enough... more

The Cold War. It was a time of mistrust, mutual hatred, fear, and overall aggression between Capitalists and evil commie bastards, whether on the battlefield, boxing ring, or science lab. Overall, it's safe to say everyone learned one valuable lesson and a truth to live by forever. Rocky Balboa sort of alluded to it in his patronizing "everyone can change" post-Ivan Drago beatdown in Rocky IV and it's safe to say JFK, Ronald Reagan, George Patton and Charlton Heston had said it hundreds if not thousands of times at home... more

Although the NES is very well known as the dominant console of the 1980s, loaded with classic after classic, the early '90s featured some of the absolute best 8-bit games in existence that were never given serious attention while advertisers favored "new" 16-bit technology. Although 1991 is right around the time when the Super NES launched a new era in gaming, the NES was still pumping out unforgettable games that same year, including... more

If there's one thing the NES did better than anything, it was the sidescrolling action game. These sidescrollers were often 8-bit conversions of arcade action titles, and while the initial goal appeared to be creating an 8-bit game with a similar feel to the original, sometimes the NES versions were actually more enjoyable than their arcade counterparts. The sidescrollers of the time were the total package in terms of frustration, colorful and engaging graphics, catchy tunes, and storylines that would make even Edgar Allen Poe puke in shock and opium withdrawal. The developers made so many... more